I feel all too often like I have to validate myself and my choices. To my colleagues, to my family, to myself – heck sometimes even to strangers. My internal war is that between the voice telling me that I am on my own path – no one else’s, and the other telling me I need someone’s validation before I find ‘that’ feeling that I strive for (achievement, happiness, success – whatever ‘it’ is). I struggle with the balance of riding on the high of someone telling me that I’ve done a good job, or that my life seems so perfect to them and the strong, independent woman inside telling me that I am awesome just as I am. (Keep rocking it!). After several turbulent years of my life taking a sharp detour from the beautifully crafted plan I made in my head when I was younger – I am slowly learning to go with the flow and figure out my own path, even if it does go through the jungle. Letting go of my master life plan (which in hindsight, wasn’t very clear) has often led me to struggle with meeting old friends and acquaintances. The need to explain the last 4 years of my life suddenly comes tumbling out of my brain and subsequently I tend to ramble on trying to justify what I am currently doing. But why? Most of these people don’t care and they shouldn’t need to. I am relatively happy with my current place in my journey – even if it feels like the puzzle isn’t quite yet assembled. Maybe I feel the need for external validation because I am not yet at the point where I feel I should be – at that point I’ll be able to give myself the validation that all of this trekking through the jungle was worth it and for good reason. Honestly, I don’t know but until then I’ll fight to let my heart hold the balloons.
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