Here! (But Not Present)

Apologies for the short (& late!) post today – It’s been a crazy kind of week. That leads onto my post, the ongoing fight to be present. At the moment I seem to not only have my normal work but a ridiculous amount of side projects or other trivial things to do. None of this is particularly bad or stressful but it does lead to a lot of my time planning and making and organising and letting my mind run away from the present. It’s kind of hard to do when you have to move house, finish work, book flights, find a dress for a wedding, buy birthday presents and more (scribbled down on a list somewhere).

Don’t get me wrong – I love being busy, better than twiddling my thumbs all day that’s for sure, but my focus is still far ahead of me rather than in the moment. In under two months I’ll be back at my job (if you can call it that!) as a camp counsellor which has become one of my most cherished times of the year. Yes, it is the most hard-working job I’ve ever had. Yes, it often involves doing silly things for the sake of camp and yes, I am a big kid but it is unmistakably the most present I think I’ve ever been. Even when you’re getting to the end of a very long day and all you want is ten minutes more sleep you are still wholeheartedly there in the moment and I wouldn’t trade that for many things. The day-to-day reality of our society is so very far from the ideal I experience at camp, where we can constantly fuss over the future, past and present, seemingly all at the same time. Again, don’t get me wrong – sometimes this is inevitable but somehow camp has a little (or a lot!) of magic in it that allows those day-to-day worries slip away.

So now as I head back to my growing to-do lists and designing and planning and organising I try to stop and check myself every so often, pause and be wherever I am. Easier said than done – believe me I know! But my adventures are out there and are already here and I will fight myself to recognise that.

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