Hot Loneliness

For the most part, I’ve had a wonderfully joyful life. Like any truly joyful life, it hasn’t been all smooth sailing (how would we know joy if we didn’t also know despair). It’s been filled with plot twists, eccentric (sometimes just down-right crazy) characters, incredibly high highs, and lows that make your heart sink just thinking about them.

For the last year or so, though, I lost my joy. Not sure how, not sure when. It didn’t just creep out in the middle of the night while I was sleeping, it didn’t wave banners or have a going away party… I just looked around one day and it was gone. (I know this isn’t sounding like a #RAVE post, but stay with me, we’re getting there.) Here’s the great thing about the moment you realize your joy is gone: it wakes you up. You look around and realize, “This is not what my life should be,” and you start fighting again – fighting for the life you wanted, the joy you had, what you think your life should look like. So, recently, I’ve been fighting again – fighting for the joy. Here’s where the #Rave comes in… when your life doesn’t look like you want it to, your joy ran off, and you’re fighting to get it back, there’s one thing that keeps popping up to remind you that you’re on the right path, you’re fighting for the right things, you’re showing up, doing hard things, and reclaiming your life: hot loneliness.

Sounds counter intuitive, right? Hot loneliness is going to tell me I’m headed in the right direction? Yes. Because when you can show up to your life to the point where you’re sitting with that hot loneliness, you’re in a position walk into the fire and do the work. So right now, I’m thrilled about that hot loneliness. I’m inviting it in to come sit, come teach me, help me figure out which way I want to be headed.

In a world where we wake up in the morning and don’t know if our friends are safe – whether from random mass shooters at their work or favorite night club, or war in their homeland, or just for walking out their front door with the wrong skin tone or gender identity or partner – hot loneliness, and the ability to sit with it, is absolutely something to Rave about. Listen to your hot loneliness today. Feel that pain. Hold some space for it. And thank it for reminding you you’re alive.

All my love,



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