It’s the day before your birthday. We are both currently sitting by the beach, falling apart. In different places and for different reasons; but somehow this doesn’t surprise me. We have existed on the same frequency for close to a decade and no amount of time or space will change that. And while I wish that we currently had less space between us, something tells me we are exactly where we need to be. (Mostly because that’s a belief I’ve learned to trust, even amidst a lack of understanding and broken hearts.)
Our worlds collided almost ten years ago; you walked into my rock bottom, unknowingly, and even after witnessing the wreckage you decided to stay. I’ll never understand why, but I’ll always be grateful. There were beautiful moments woven in and out of the brutal days we found ourselves drowning in.
We were great at walking through fire together; that’s the beginning of our story. A whirlwind of rock bottoms and fighting for our truth and unbecoming all we thought we were to find our foundations. Learning what family meant; learning what it didn’t mean. Some of the most terrifying moments of my life; all surrounded by magic.
Dancing through the fire together was easy once we learned the steps – but that wasn’t the point. We had to learn how to walk through fires side by side; each standing on our own truth. And from this side of the story, I can say that walking through fires side by side with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Knowing I am fireproof, in part because you have my back. A privilege to move through this world with a trust so strong nothing will break it.
And for now, I think we are just beginning to uncover our in between. You know, the “and” between one and one. Our 2 is bigger, deeper, wider, louder than ever before; the kind of magic that only comes after shattering and rebuilding. I love it so much more than I ever dreamed. Because sometimes that’s the best answer, right? To begin again. Exhausting and terrifying and exhilarating. We have been there and back more times than I can imagine; suddenly finding ourselves in a whole new world.
“You think because you understand ‘one’ you must also understand ‘two’, because one and one make two. But you must also understand ‘and’.” – Rumi
I love that our story reaches from discussing gender theories amidst a raptor center all the way back to fighting over the location of imaginary Pom-Poms in the kitchen. What started as the most earth shattering moments of my life has turned into the space I trust the most. Maybe that’s what they mean by home. I’m not sure – but I do know you have shown me, one day at a time, the true meaning of family.
It’s unclear if the moral of our story is that peer pressure will ruin your life, or if the moral is really that your best friends always know what you need. Then again, morals only become clear at the end of the story and I hope this is just the beginning of ours. So I guess for now we just have to wait and see.
Thanks for all the adventures; for holding my hand and fighting for me when I didn’t want to fight for myself. For showing me how much love one soul can carry; how simple it can be to make a wave in this world. Forever altering the ebb and flow of the universe around you; teaching us how to surf. Creating new spaces that help everyone around you share a little bit more of their light. Giving us permission to reach into the world with our truth, knowing it will always be enough.
Perhaps you only meant to give me simple and happy, but what we have discovered is so much more.
Happy Birthday, Tink.
Second star to the right, and straight on till morning…
P.S. – I heard your outline of our story for the first time a few days ago and I love it even more now. It’s much less terrifying when you tell the story.
P.P.S. – One request: please stop kidding until you’re serious. My heart is carrying all the truth it can hold for the moment. (thanks).